Freelancing Memes

Posts tagged with Freelancing

Just Shoot Me Instead

Just Shoot Me Instead
The only thing worse than being shot at? Someone pitching their "revolutionary app idea" with zero budget and expecting you to build it for exposure and a mythical share of future profits. That moment when you'd rather face armed soldiers than another person who thinks their "Uber but for dog walkers" concept is worth billions, yet they can't afford to pay you actual money. The best part? They always say "it's simple" right before describing something that would require a team of 20 engineers and six months of development. But hey, they're "idea people" - the hard part is already done!

This Entire Codebase Must Be Purged

This Entire Codebase Must Be Purged
Nothing strikes fear into a developer's soul quite like inheriting a "vibe-coded" codebase. You know the type—written by someone who was "feeling it" at 2AM, fueled by energy drinks and hubris. No comments, variable names like magicNumber42 and iKnowWhatImDoing , and functions that would make Cthulhu weep. Just like Arthas from Warcraft deciding an entire city needed cleansing, sometimes the only rational response to legacy code is total annihilation. Rewrite from scratch? Absolutely justified. That's not technical debt—it's a technical crime scene.

The Degree Acquisition Shortcut

The Degree Acquisition Shortcut
The secret ingredient to academic success: outsourcing your assembly code homework on Upwork for $30-40/hour! Someone's literally paying a contractor to join a Zoom call and explain their "graduate level assignment" while the code is already done. The beautiful irony of hiring someone to explain code you're supposed to understand yourself. Forget pulling all-nighters with obscure MOV instructions and stack pointers—just find someone to do your academic dirty work! Bonus points for the "No degree mentioned" tag, because apparently you don't need one to help others get theirs.

Thanks Dad, For The £500 "Simple" Website Gig

Thanks Dad, For The £500 "Simple" Website Gig
Nothing like family members who think web development is just dragging a few buttons around for an hour. Dad's out here brokering £500 deals for a "normal screen size" website while his kid is wondering if this requires a full CMS, e-commerce integration, or just 47 revisions of "make the logo bigger." The best part? Dad has absolutely no idea what goes into building a website but is confidently volunteering his child's expertise like it's a quick favor. That £500 will cover about 1/10th of the therapy needed after the client says "I want it to be like Amazon but better."

Is This Right

Is This Right
Look at these American cloud giants getting the Toy Story treatment. After years of Stockholm syndrome relationships with AWS, Google Cloud, and Azure, European dev teams are finally having their "Jessie moment." Nothing says "I've reconsidered our toxic relationship" like migrating to Hetzner after your AWS bill suddenly includes a 25% tariff surcharge. Sure, the documentation might be in German, but it's still more comprehensible than Lambda's pricing structure. Scaleway doesn't have 47 different database options? Good. I didn't understand the difference between the last 46 anyway.

We All Did It At Some Point

We All Did It At Some Point
The eternal programmer's paradox! Someone gives you sage advice about valuing your skills, and your brain immediately goes: "But what about my undocumented spaghetti code that I wrote at 3 AM while chugging energy drinks? Surely that masterpiece is worth exactly $5." The cognitive dissonance of knowing we should charge properly for our expertise while simultaneously feeling like imposters selling digital duct tape solutions is the most relatable programmer experience ever. We're all out here building the digital future with code we're secretly embarrassed about!

The Chain Of Command

The Chain Of Command
The perfect illustration of how a $5,000 website magically transforms into a $50 project after six layers of outsourcing! This is basically the tech industry's version of telephone game, except everyone's wallet gets progressively lighter. What starts with a clueless business owner willing to shell out thousands ends with some poor developer in India coding an entire website for the price of a pizza. Meanwhile, every middleman takes their cut while adding zero value except the phrase "I know a guy." And the best part? The original client still has no idea when their website will be ready. Spoiler alert: it won't be.