JavaScript's Equality: Where Logic Goes To Die

Content PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT HAS ALMOST NO STANDARD LIBRARY SOLUTION: THOUSANDS OF COMMUNITY -SUPPORTED LIBRARIES OF WILDLY VARYING QUALITY PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT HAS NO PACKAGING OR A LINKER TO TIE THESE PACKAGES TOGETHER PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT WON'T RUN OUTSIDE THE BROWSER SOLUTION: V8 PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT IS SINGLE -THREAD BY DESIGN SOLUTION: ASYNCHRONOUS PROGRAMMING, NODE. JS PROBLEM: CALLBACK HELL PROBLEM: PROTOTYPAL INHERITANCE IS PANTS -ON- HEAD STUPID THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT. PROBLEM: WEB RESOURCES NEED TO BE MINIFIED AND ZIPPED FOR PERFORMANCE PROBLEM: THE DOM IS TOO SLOW FOR VIDEO GAMES SOLUTION: CANVAS PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT IS TOO SLOW FOR VIDEO GAMES SOLUTION: USE AN ASSEMBLY- LIKE SUBSET OF JAVASCRIPT CALLED ASM.JS PROBLEM: ASM.JS IS BASICALLY UNWRITABLE 4 HUMANS. SOLUTION: COMPILE A BETTER LANGUAGE TO JAVASCRIPT (C, EMASCRIPT 2016, COFFEESCRIPT, JSX) SOLUTION: HUNDREDS OF COMMUNITY SUPPORTED BUILD TOOLS OF WILDLY VARYING QUALITY PROBLEM: GRUNT. SOLUTION: GULP PROBLEM: GULP PROBLEM: MACHINE GENERATED OUTPUT IS MORE DIFFICULT TO DEBUG PROBLEM: ASYNC IS STILL A NIGHTMARE, HUH? PROBLEM: BALLOONING PROJECT SIZE AND COMPLEXITY PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT STILL DOESN'T DO EVERYTHING PROBLEM: OUTPUT RUNS VERY SLOWLY ON MOBILE DEVICES SOLUTION: ELECTRON, PHONEGAP, FIREFOXOS HOW IS DIGGING GOING TO GET US OUT OF THIS HOLE? WHERE I AM FROM, THE POINT OF DIGGING IS NOT FREEDOM FROM DIGGING

The referee of sanity (TypeScript) showing a yellow card to chaotic developers who try to assign numbers to string variables. Meanwhile, the player (any JavaScript developer) is like "What? I've been doing this my whole career!" TypeScript's entire existence is just standing on the field giving yellow cards to JavaScript's type-freedom party. And yet some rebels still find ways to use "as any" and sneak past the ref. The compiler error number (2322) might as well be the number of times I've cursed at similar errors this week.

Content My project with bunch of perfornance issues fb.meyuva.krishna.memes Me Choosing a best font for my front end ProdrammerHumor.io

The beautiful irony of throwing an AssertionError with the message "Unreachable code reached" is just *chef's kiss*. It's the programming equivalent of installing a security camera inside a black hole. You're basically telling the compiler "this code will never execute" and then writing an error message for when it does execute. The cosmic paradox of defensive programming at its finest! This is the senior developer's version of "trust no one, not even yourself." They've been burned too many times by "impossible" edge cases showing up in production at 3 AM.

BEHOLD! The ancient Google homepage from 1999 - back when the internet was an innocent utopia and Google was just a "pure search engine" without all the modern baggage! 😭 Look at this prehistoric artifact claiming "no news feed, no links to sponsors, no ads, no distractions" - I am DECEASED! 💀 Fast forward to today where Google tracks your every digital breath, serves you personalized ads before you even THINK about wanting something, and knows more about your browsing habits than your therapist! This is like finding a picture of your ex before they turned into a complete nightmare. So pure. So simple. So TRAGICALLY gone forever!

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