The Lifetime Tech Support Contract

Every ML engineer's origin story right here. You've got grand visions of training neural networks that'll revolutionize the industry, but your wallet says "best I can do is a GTX 1050 from 2016." So you sit there, watching your model train at the speed of continental drift, contemplating whether you should sell a kidney or just rent GPU time on AWS for $3/hour and watch your budget evaporate faster than your hopes and dreams. The real kicker? Your model needs 24GB VRAM but you're running on 4GB like you're trying to fit an elephant into a Smart car. Time to get creative with batch sizes of 1 and pray to the optimization gods.

Console gamers are getting absolutely destroyed right now. Xbox raising prices, $80 games becoming the norm, and Nintendo charging $499 for a Mario Kart bundle? Meanwhile, the PC gaming prophet descends from the heavens with his divine message: "Don't worry and come to PC, you can trust me." Sure, you'll need to sell a kidney for a graphics card, but at least you won't be paying $70 for a game that goes on sale for $12 three months later on Steam. The PC Master Race welcomes another batch of console refugees with open, angelic wings.

Ah, the legendary CrystalDiskInfo67.exe – that sketchy-looking executable with a CD icon that somehow ends up being more trustworthy than half your company's codebase. When your disk is making sounds like a blender full of paperclips, this is the hero you reluctantly download, hovering over the "Run Anyway" button while whispering "please don't steal my Bitcoin." The irony is that legitimate disk diagnostic tools often look more suspicious than actual malware. Trust issues? In this industry, we call that "experience."

Behold! Someone just casually opened their desk drawer like it's a treasure chest from the gods themselves, revealing enough RAM sticks to run a small data center. We're talking HyperX, Corsair, G.Skill, T-Force—basically every premium brand known to humankind, all color-coordinated and organized like they're preparing for the RAM Olympics. Meanwhile, the rest of us are out here downloading more RAM from sketchy websites and praying our 8GB stick doesn't give up during a Chrome session with three tabs open. This person literally has a DRAWER. A WHOLE DRAWER dedicated to RAM modules. They're probably using it as a coaster collection at this point because what else do you do when you have more memory than memories? The sheer audacity of flexing a RAM drawer while some of us are still running on hopes, dreams, and 4GB of DDR3 is absolutely unhinged. Pure hardware royalty energy right here.

Left Ctrl is out here doing ALL the heavy lifting—Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V, Ctrl+Z, Ctrl+S—basically running the entire show while Right Ctrl sits in the corner like that one team member who's "present" in standups but never actually commits any code. Your left pinky has probably developed muscle memory so strong it could execute keyboard shortcuts in its sleep, while your right pinky wouldn't even know where Right Ctrl is if you asked it. Honestly, most keyboards could just replace Right Ctrl with a second spacebar and 99% of developers wouldn't notice for months. The ergonomic asymmetry is real.

OMG, the AUDACITY of some developers! 💀 Instead of fixing their horrifically inefficient spaghetti code, they just throw more RAM and faster CPUs at the problem like that's going to save their algorithmic sins! Honey, your O(n²) monstrosity isn't going to magically become O(log n) just because you bought a shiny new processor. It's like putting a Ferrari engine in a shopping cart and expecting it to win Formula 1. The hardware might be faster, but your code is still a dumpster fire wrapped in a tragedy!