The GPU Wars: A Star Wars Story

That's the Portal cake logo with "The MSRP is a lie" repeated like a dystopian mantra. Graphics card prices haven't been this fictional since cryptocurrency miners were building rigs in their mothers' basements. Manufacturers slap on MSRPs that belong in fantasy novels while retailers mark them up to "market value" – which is corporate speak for "whatever desperate gamers will pay." Nothing says "modern computing" like needing a second mortgage for a GPU that'll be obsolete before you finish paying it off.

When you've been in IT long enough, you start appreciating the finer things in life—like a USB receiver hammered so flush into the port that it's now a permanent hardware feature. Sure, you could use the little eject button they provide, but where's the primal satisfaction in that? Nothing says "senior developer" like hardware modifications that would make the warranty department cry. The best part? When someone asks for help removing it, you get to say "Have you tried turning it off and on again?" with a straight face while secretly knowing it's never coming out.

The paranoid tech veteran's approach to data security: physically removing the hard drive platters. Sure, you could use DBAN or a hammer, but where's the satisfaction in that? This is like bringing a tactical nuke to a knife fight—complete overkill that would make any security auditor simultaneously applaud and facepalm. For the uninitiated, those metal discs (platters) are where your embarrassing browser history and collection of half-finished side projects actually live. No platters = no evidence of that framework you started building in 2018 and abandoned after three commits. Bonus points for the "I was bored" justification—the universal explanation for both brilliant engineering solutions and catastrophic tech disasters since the dawn of computing.

Finally decoded Reddit's voting system! Upvote for "you're on Team NVIDIA" and downvote for "how dare you prefer AMD." The GPU holy wars continue to rage while I'm still coding on integrated graphics that struggle to render VS Code. The real winner? My electricity bill.

The code tries to allocate 280 TiB for an array, then fails spectacularly with a memory error. Meanwhile, the caption "I'm limited by the technology of my time" perfectly captures that moment when your ambitious project hits the brick wall of hardware reality. Sure, Tony Stark built an Arc Reactor in a cave with scraps, but even he couldn't allocate 280 freaking terabytes of RAM. That's not a Raspberry Pi project—that's a "sell your house for server farm" project.

Ah, UserBenchmark—the Fox News of hardware reviews. This gem shows them "objectively" reviewing AMD's RX 9070-XT with all the neutrality of a scorned ex. They're basically saying "Sure, AMD might win some cherry-picked benchmarks, but their GPUs are basically expensive paperweights that cause more stutters than a nervous teenager asking someone to prom." The kicker? That 3% market share stat they pulled out of nowhere while conveniently ignoring that driver issues plague both AMD and NVIDIA. It's like watching someone with an Intel tattoo pretending to give unbiased advice. This is why we can't have nice things in tech journalism.