The GPU Wars: A Star Wars Story

Some developer just installed Arch Linux on a vape. Because why enjoy nicotine when you can enjoy kernel panic attacks instead? The screen proudly displays neofetch with that iconic ASCII Arch logo made of characters, complete with system specs. 728MB of RAM - perfect for running exactly one terminal instance before it crashes. Next up: getting Doom to run on it, because that's the true benchmark of unnecessary computing.

When someone claims they "had to upgrade" their perfectly good high-end GPU, it's like watching someone justify buying a Ferrari because their Lamborghini was "getting old." The truth eventually spills out—they already had a 4090 or similar beast that could probably simulate the entire universe while making coffee. Meanwhile, I'm over here nursing my GTX 1060 through "just one more year" for the fifth time in a row. It's not an upgrade when you're just collecting graphics cards like Pokémon.

Ah yes, the "Never Obsolete" computer with a blazing fast 566MHz processor and a whopping 64MB of RAM. Currently being used as a $2000 paperweight or a museum exhibit of technological hubris. That 56k modem is probably still faster than some hotel WiFi though. The real irony is that the sticker outlasted the computer's relevance by approximately 23 years and 364 days.

Spent $200 on an NVMe SSD only to lose the one thing loading screens provided—forced breaks to check Twitter. The system boots so fast now that those precious "Did You Know" tips vanish before my eyes. My code compiles before I can even grab coffee. My games load before I can respond to texts. Progress has robbed me of my excuses for procrastination. The spinning wheel of death has been replaced by the crushing weight of productivity. What's next? CPUs that compile code before I even write it?

Ah, the classic "let me unmask this villain" meme perfectly captures modern game development! A 2006 game like Oblivion somehow takes up 120GB after being "remastered" (aka slapping on some prettier textures). But pull off that mask and—surprise!—it's actually Unreal Engine 5 bloating everything up like it's getting paid by the gigabyte. Remember when games fit on a single CD? Now you need to clear half your SSD just to install the main menu. The storage requirements are expanding faster than my coffee budget during debugging week.

Oh. My. GOD. Someone has constructed the most MAGNIFICENT throne in existence using nothing but discarded keyboards! 👑 This is what happens when you hoard every single keyboard since 1997 instead of throwing them away "just in case." The Iron Throne? PLEASE. The Keyboard Throne reigns supreme in the Seven Kingdoms of Cubicle Land, where the one who sits upon it commands absolute power over the Git repository. Whoever occupies this monstrosity clearly has the authority to reject ALL pull requests without explanation. Bow down, peasants!