Tell Me Why I Didn't Read The Manual

The ancient ThinkPad begging for sweet release while its obsessive owner keeps upgrading it with new SSDs and RAM modules for the 47th time. That battered keyboard has typed enough lines of Perl to deserve retirement, but no—you've installed Linux on it again and keep bragging about how "they don't make them like this anymore." Meanwhile, the poor machine's fan sounds like a jet engine and the battery lasts exactly 12 minutes, but you're still convinced it's superior to any modern ultrabook. The relationship is basically tech Stockholm syndrome at this point.

That network switch has clearly been running flawlessly since the Clinton administration. Covered in dust, cobwebs, and what appears to be ancient plaster, it's the digital equivalent of that one load-bearing piece of code written by someone who left the company 8 years ago. Touch it? Might as well pull the pin on a grenade while you're at it. This is why network engineers develop that thousand-yard stare by year five.

Nothing says "I've made excellent life choices" like balancing your laptop on a fan because your cooling pad melted six months ago. Summer for PC gamers is just trading one thermal throttling problem for another. The true mark of dedication is positioning your setup so the fan blows directly on both you and your overheating graphics card that's one YouTube video away from becoming modern art.

This is what happens when you outsource your IT department to the lowest bidder. The classic "we're working VERY HARD on your issue" while the tech team is literally just kittens playing inside your computer. No wonder your ticket has been "in progress" for three weeks! Those adorable little troubleshooters are probably chewing on your RAM while management assures you they've got their "best people" on it. Next time your computer crashes, just check if it's a hairball in the CPU fan rather than a memory leak.

The GPU upgrade cycle strikes again! On the left, we have the poor souls who panic-sold their RTX 4090 graphics cards before the 5090 launch, sitting in a dark, depressing cave view. Meanwhile, the smug gamer on the right who held onto their 4090 is enjoying a gorgeous sunset vista. Classic case of tech FOMO backfiring. Turns out the "free upgrade" to 5090 was just Nvidia's marketing department playing 4D chess with our wallets again. Those 4090s are still absolute beasts, and now the sellers are stuck with regret and probably a lighter bank account. The circle of GPU life continues: buy expensive card, panic when new one is announced, sell at a loss, repeat until retirement fund is depleted.

OH. MY. GOD. The AUDACITY of this pun! Someone actually glued a RAM stick to a literal leek vegetable and called it a "memory leek." I'm DECEASED! 💀 This is what happens when programmers go grocery shopping after debugging for 48 hours straight. Next thing you know they'll be putting thermal paste on their sandwiches and wondering why their CPU is still overheating. The Windows laptop in the background is just silently judging all of our life choices right now.