Never Obsolete

The moment you mention you "work with computers," your entire extended family suddenly transforms into a horde of technological zombies with broken printers and forgotten passwords. It's like being the only doctor at a hypochondriac convention, except instead of asking if that mole looks cancerous, it's "Why is my Facebook doing that thing?" What thing? THE thing. You know. THAT thing. And they all expect immediate tech support during Thanksgiving dinner while your turkey gets cold and your will to live evaporates faster than RAM in a Chrome tab.

OH. MY. GOD. The AUDACITY of this pun! Someone actually glued a RAM stick to a literal leek vegetable and called it a "memory leek." I'm DECEASED! 💀 This is what happens when programmers go grocery shopping after debugging for 48 hours straight. Next thing you know they'll be putting thermal paste on their sandwiches and wondering why their CPU is still overheating. The Windows laptop in the background is just silently judging all of our life choices right now.

The duality of the tech bro in his natural habitat! Dropping $5000 on a MacBook Pro and ergonomic throne while justifying it as "an investment in productivity," yet somehow the clothing budget remains firmly set at "whatever free swag I can grab from hackathons." The classic programmer uniform: premium hardware, premium chair, and a t-shirt that's seen more continuous runtime than their longest-running server. Priorities perfectly aligned - why waste money on clothes when you could be saving up for the next unnecessary IDE plugin?

The only machine most of us are comfortable with has Intel inside, not iron plates. When the gym bro asks "which machine are you comfortable with?" he's expecting treadmill or bench press—not a programmer pointing at their laptop. Twenty years in tech and my biceps are still just from carrying the weight of legacy code and broken promises. The strongest muscle in my body is whatever lets me ctrl+c/ctrl+v for 8 hours straight.

Taking "Go & play outside" literally by dragging your entire gaming rig to a field is peak programmer malicious compliance. Technically correct—the best kind of correct! Sure, you're getting vitamin D, but you're still grinding that MMO while grasshoppers become your new debugging partners. The lengths we'll go to just to avoid touching grass in the metaphorical sense...

Spending $2000 on a high-end GPU but refusing to upgrade that ancient 1080p monitor is the tech equivalent of putting premium gas in a '98 Honda Civic. Sure, you're pushing 144fps in Cyberpunk, but it's like watching an IMAX movie through a keyhole. The sweet irony of demanding 1440p content when your display can't even show the extra pixels – just developer logic at its finest. Your GPU is basically sitting there, underutilized and judging your life choices.