What Are Tech Guys Gonna Do?

Ah yes, the sacred GitHub contribution chart—where quantity trumps quality. This person has 10,306 commits in a year, which is roughly 28 commits every single day . Either they're a coding superhuman or they've discovered the ancient art of git commit -m "fix typo" && git push automation. Recruiters see green squares and immediately think "coding genius" instead of "probable bot owner." The real skill here isn't programming—it's convincing people that updating README files 10,000 times is worth half a million dollars. And they say AI is coming for our jobs...

Ah yes, the grand delusion of personal significance. On the left, we have the magnificent tower of "ALL MODERN DIGITAL INFRASTRUCTURE" – an imposing, complex structure representing the collective achievement of thousands of developers. And then there's "Your GitHub" – a single, pathetic vertical line that couldn't support a digital hamster wheel. The perfect visualization of that moment when you realize your "revolutionary" side project is just another sad little toothpick in the vast landscape of actual engineering. Yet somehow we all wake up Monday morning convinced this repo will be different. Nothing quite captures the developer experience like the cognitive dissonance between what we think we're building and the digital equivalent of a stick figure drawing we actually produce.

Microsoft's product strategy in a nutshell: throw everything at the wall, see what sticks, then pretend the blood puddles were part of the plan all along. Windows Phone? Dead. Skype? Somehow still technically alive but nobody's checking for a pulse. Windows 10? They promised it would be the "last version of Windows" then immediately started working on Windows 11. Meanwhile GitHub is just chilling in the corner, the golden child acquisition that actually worked out. Probably because Microsoft learned their lesson: buy successful things and don't touch them too much. Revolutionary strategy, really. The "EEE" reference is *chef's kiss* - that's "Embrace, Extend, Extinguish," Microsoft's infamous strategy from the 90s where they'd adopt open standards, add proprietary features, then kill the competition. Now they're just extinguishing their own products. Character development, I guess?

The UNHOLY TRINITY of a developer's existence! GitHub looking all dark and mysterious like it's judging your commit messages. StackOverflow with that knowing smirk because it's seen your desperate 3AM questions. And then there's YOUR CODE - that absolute DEMON CHILD that started as a "quick fix" and evolved into an eldritch horror that would make Lovecraft weep! The tattoo is *chef's kiss* perfect because your code is LITERALLY permanently etched into your nightmares. It's the monster YOU created and now must live with FOREVER!

The AUDACITY of these people! Your coworkers are just casually hitting that AI slop pull request button like it's a free candy dispenser while you're over here DYING inside! 😤 They're submitting code that was clearly written by ChatGPT's questionable cousin, with variable names like 'finalFinalActuallyFinalV2' and functions that look like they were written during a fever dream. But the worst part? You can't PROVE it! You're just sitting there, eye twitching, watching your git history become a graveyard of AI-generated monstrosities while management praises them for their "productivity." The betrayal! The horror! The absolute DRAMA of modern development!

The four stages of developer enlightenment, perfectly captured in Mr. Incredible's gradual descent into madness. Starts with the blissful ignorance of coding—where you're just vibing, making things work somehow. Then debugging hits and you're slightly unhinged but still optimistic. By version control, you've seen things... dark things... like merge conflicts that make you question reality. And finally, DevOps—where your soul has left your body and you've become one with the void, deploying microservices at 3 AM while muttering "it works on my machine" into the abyss. The progression isn't just about difficulty—it's about the spiritual journey from "I write code" to "I am become Death, destroyer of production environments."