Solo Developer's Version Control Nightmare

Ah yes, the fragile developer ego in its natural habitat. You spend hours carefully crafting a pull request, only to have someone point out you misspelled a variable name, and suddenly they're typing a 5,000-word essay on why your entire approach is fundamentally flawed and possibly a crime against computer science itself. The code review comments start with "Not to be pedantic, but..." and end with them questioning every decision you've made since learning to code. And they say elephants never forget - developers certainly don't forget who criticized their precious algorithms.

The fifth developer is the one who wrote the code being reviewed. Nothing quite like watching your peers beat your spaghetti code to death with sticks while you crawl on the ground wondering why you didn't add those comments they suggested last time. Just another Tuesday in software development.

Someone's confusing Git with Disney+, and honestly, that tracks for management decisions. Git is free and open source - always has been. GitHub might charge for premium features, but the core version control system costs exactly zero euros. This is like saying you're dropping oxygen because it's getting too pricey. The real comedy is imagining a dev trying to explain to their boss that Git isn't a streaming service with Family Guy reruns. "No sir, it's where we store our code, not where you watch Thanos snap." This is why we drink so much coffee.

The GitHub portfolio paradox strikes again! What you're seeing is the classic "my GitHub is a disaster" syndrome where developers claim their repos showcase their skills, but the reality is a collection of bizarre, half-finished experiments that make absolutely no sense to anyone else. Those planes are the perfect metaphor - technically they're all aircraft, but some are missing wings, others are just engines, and one appears to be defying the laws of physics entirely. It's like having 47 repos with names like "test-thing2" and "new-project-FINAL-ACTUALLY-FINAL-v3" with exactly one commit from 2019.

The classic GitHub commit message that says it all. When diving into Vulkan (that notoriously complex graphics API that makes OpenGL look like a children's toy), this dev's only documentation is a README file warning potential recruiters about the horror show inside. It's the programming equivalent of those "Abandon All Hope" signs at the entrance to Hell. The best part? They committed it just 3 minutes ago - probably right after realizing their code is an unholy abomination that would make even seasoned graphics programmers weep.

The duality of developer existence: "These CI checks are required" vs "Fire anyone who bypasses them." Nothing radicalizes a developer faster than watching someone merge code that failed every test while you've been fighting for three days to get your perfectly valid PR to pass that one flaky test. The Kermit meme perfectly captures that moment when you go from "we should follow best practices" to "commit git arson against those who defy the CI gods."