Wait, You Pay Full Price For Software?

OMG, someone actually created a programming language to write code for Scratch - you know, that block-based programming tool designed for CHILDREN! 💀 The absolute AUDACITY of creating a text-based compiler with Rust that outputs to Scratch! It's like building a rocket ship to drive to your mailbox! They even had the nerve to add GitHub Copilot support and error detection like it's some kind of serious development environment! Just look at that gorgeous code at the bottom - writing actual text to generate those cute little colorful blocks with the cat mascot. It's the programming equivalent of using a sledgehammer to hang a picture frame! I'm DYING! 😭

The indie game development experience: one person sitting behind a table with name tags for "Producer," "Director," "Actor," "Editor," "Writer," "Video Editor," and "Creative." It's the software development equivalent of wearing all the hats in your closet simultaneously. Big studios have entire departments. Indie devs have... coffee and determination. And probably a concerning browser history full of "how to fix [obscure engine] bug at 3AM" searches.

Behold, the pinnacle of game development: storing your entire storyline in a global array and using hardcoded indices to track plot points. Because who needs databases or state machines when you can just check if storyline_array[367] == 1 to determine if you've already done something? The real masterpiece is using instance_destroy() as your universal solution. Lunch with Fern? Destroy the instance. Already completed a task? Destroy the instance. Relationship problems? You guessed it— instance_destroy() . Meanwhile, poor Rhode gets the "Do Nothing" treatment. Clearly the developer's favorite character won the popularity contest. This code is basically the digital equivalent of writing your novel's plot points on sticky notes, scattering them across the floor, and numbering them randomly.

Meta spent $13 billion on their "Horizon" metaverse and all they got was avatars that look like they were rendered on a potato. "Legs are coming soon!" is the kind of feature announcement you'd expect from a game in 2003, not something that cost twice Electronic Arts' annual revenue. At this rate, Mark's going to need another $50 billion just to add eyebrows that don't look haunted. Meanwhile, The Sims 3 from 2009 is over here with fully functioning humans that can already woohoo in hot tubs.

Remember when you could pull all-nighters debugging your passion project, fueled by nothing but Mountain Dew and the sheer audacity of youth? Yeah, those days are gone. Now your body starts sending shutdown signals at 8:47 PM and you're negotiating with yourself about whether that second cup of coffee is worth the insomnia. The cruel irony is that you're technically a better developer now—you know design patterns, you write tests, you actually read documentation—but your biological infrastructure has deprecated itself. Your code quality went up while your uptime went down. That's called getting older in tech, and it hits different when you realize the junior devs are still gaming till sunrise while you're scheduling your standup around your second nap.

Going to prison in 2009: GTX 480 was cutting edge. Coming back in 2023: "DLSS? Ray tracing? 40-series? Is this even the same planet?" The hardware acceleration gap hits harder than prison food. At least in jail you expect to get stabbed - graphics card prices these days are the real crime.