Monday Morning Vibes

The classic "dog ate my homework" excuse enters the digital age! This poor CS student tried the oldest trick in the book, only to get caught in a programming pun trap of their own making. When the professor questions this absurd claim about a coding assignment, the student can't resist delivering that killer punchline: "it took him a couple bytes ." The silence that followed was probably more painful than debugging a recursive function at 3 AM. Next time, maybe try "my code compiled on my machine" instead – slightly more believable than a dog with a taste for JavaScript.

Content My team's intern just found a critical bug by shitposting in our codebase So our summer intern (who I'm 90 sure is a professional shitposter moonlighting as a dev) just saved our entire authentication service by being, well, an absolute agent of chaos. Background: We have this legacy auth system that's been running since before TikTok existed. No one touches it. It's documented in ancient Sanskrit and COBOL comments. The last guy who understood it fully left to become a yoga instructor in Peru. Enter our intern. First week, he asks why our commit messages are so boring. Starts adding memes to his. Whatever, right? Then he begins leaving comments in the codebase like: This function is older than me and probably pays taxes TODO: Ask if this while loop has health insurance Here lies Sarah's hopes and dreams (2019-2022), killed by this recursive call The senior devs were split between horrified and amused. But here's where it gets good. He's reading through the auth code (because "the commit messages here are too normal, sus") and adds this gem: yo why this token validation looking kinda thicc though fr fr no cap this base64 decode bussin wait... hold up... this ain't bussin at all Turns out his Gen Z spider-sense wasn't just tingling for the memes. Man actually found a validation bypass that's been lurking in our code since Obama's first term. The kind of bug that makes security auditors wake up in cold sweats. The best part? His Jira ticket title: "Auth be acting mad sus rn no cap frfr (Critical Security Issue)" The worst part? We now have to explain to the CEO why "no cap frfr" appears in our Q3 security audit report. The absolute kicker? Our senior security engineer's official code review comment: "bestie... you snapped with this find ng" I can't tell if this is the peak or rock bottom of our engineering culture. But I do know our intern's getting a return offer, if only because I need to see what he'll do to our GraphQL documentation.

Oh. My. GOD. The absolute TRAUMA of junior development in one perfect image! 😱 There's our poor, innocent Jr Dev having an existential crisis about remembering what their code actually does, while the Sr Dev - with their distinguished salt-and-pepper hair and that INFURIATING mustache of wisdom - just casually drops the most terrifying truth bomb in software engineering history! "That's the neat part. You don't." EXCUSE ME?! Are you telling me we're all just throwing spaghetti at digital walls and HOPING it sticks?! The audacity! The honesty! The horrifying accuracy! This is why documentation was invented, people - because our code is basically a mysterious ancient artifact the moment after we write it!

Content Ok let's try running this code console. log("Hello World"); Output: ERROR Alright mavbe then this will work let str "Hello World"; console.log (str); Output: ERROR 4 HOURS LATER This is getting ridiculous, I'll just restart at step 1 Output: ERROR console. log("Hello World"); Output: Hello World! THAT WAS THE FIRST THING I TRIED!!!!

Content Dear Guest Please be advised that connecting any device to the television via the HDMI ports will cause the entire hotel system to crash. Therefore we must ask that you only use Chromecast built in to cast from your device and do not connect any other device throughout your stay. We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause and thank you for your cooperation.

The twisted chimney labeled "your code" next to the perfectly straight one labeled "code on github" is the most accurate representation of coding reality I've ever seen. You spend hours wrestling with that monstrosity of nested if-statements and undocumented hacks, but the moment you push to a public repo, suddenly it's all clean architecture and design patterns. That twisted brick column is basically every production codebase I've ever inherited – somehow functional despite defying all laws of software engineering and basic physics. The real miracle is that both chimneys still manage to do their one job: let the smoke out when things are on fire.