Found a programmer in the wild

Content Me, waiting for effects after changing DNS records ProdrammerHumor.io

Content Kristen DiMercurio kdimerc A tip for those of us who work at screens all day: 1. Unclench your jaw 2. Twist your torso from side to side 3. Arch backwards til you're upside down with your hands and feet on the floor 4. Laugh 5. Spider crawl across the room 6. Devour someone whole 7. Haunt the witnesses 22:54 - 32619 Twitter for iPhone

Content For the last time, EXCEL is NOT a database

Content aVZW Wi-Fi S 10:38 PM 1 8 99 4 way 4 Function getDigits (her, him) If (him.attractiveness her.attractiveRequirement her.standards "low") Return phoneNumber else new Error GetDigits Sent You are ridiculous allel you are absolutely greater than or equal to my attractive requirement and my standards are not low. So! Phone Type a message Send

You spent days optimizing that SQL query to absolute perfection. Indexes tweaked. JOINs restructured. Subqueries eliminated. You turned a 30-second nightmare into a 0.3-second dream. Your boss was impressed... for approximately 5 minutes. Now they're casually dropping phrases like "real-time dashboards" and "instant analytics" in meetings as if your database isn't already sweating bullets just handling the current load. They have no idea that "real-time" means your beautiful query needs to run every 2 seconds instead of once an hour. Congratulations, you've optimized yourself into a corner. Your reward for fixing the performance issue? A completely unreasonable new requirement that makes the original problem look trivial. The database gods are laughing at you right now.

Content Security checklist Anti-SQL-injection Protection SSL and OpenSSL up to date Passwords hashed with salt Multi-factor authentication on the back-office AES encryption on sensitive data Preventing the PM from sending the whole unencrypted database by email CommitStrip.com ProarammerHumor.io