We Have Achieved AGI

HONEY, THE IMPOSTOR SYNDROME IS REAL! That's a black lab swimming with ducks who have NO IDEA they've been infiltrated by a completely different species! Just like when you've been copy-pasting ChatGPT code for a week straight and somehow convinced the entire engineering team you're a coding genius! The whole dev team is like "Great job on that algorithm!" while you're frantically Googling what a for-loop is. Swimming in a sea of competent developers while your brain is screaming "QUACK QUACK I'M TOTALLY A PROGRAMMER" is the most relatable thing ever. We're all just dogs in a duck pond pretending we know what we're doing!

Content You're the new tech lead nOW I'm getting paid like one too, right? @SeniorDeveloper I'm going to be paid like a tech lead too, right?

When your debugging session gets interrupted by a rubber duck that actually works. The developer starts explaining their CSS padding issue to ChatGPT, notices something's wrong, and suddenly the rubber duck falls out of nowhere—forcing them into accidental rubber duck debugging. The irony? The duck solved the problem before ChatGPT could even respond. Proof that sometimes the best debugging tool is just talking to an inanimate object that judges you silently from your desk drawer.

Job requirements: 5+ years experience with LangChain. Google search: LangChain was launched in October 2022. Ah yes, the classic tech recruiter time-travel paradox. "Must have 5+ years experience with technology that's existed for 1.5 years." Next they'll be asking for senior developers who can code in languages that haven't been invented yet. Maybe I should update my resume to include my expertise in quantum programming from the future. The only way to meet these requirements is if you're literally the creator of LangChain or you've mastered the dark arts of resume chronology manipulation.

Content STOP DOING AGILE • SOFTWARE WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SISYPHEAN • YEARS OF PROGRAMS yet NO REAL-WORLD USE FOUND for a DAILY STANDUP • Wanted to add features anyway for a laugh? We had a tool for that: It was called "WATERFALL" • "Yes please give me UNFINISHED software. Please let me work INFINITY hours"- Statements dreamed up by the utterly Deranged LOOK at what Programmers have been demanding your Respect for all this time, with all the keyboards & mice we built for them (This is REAL Programming, done by REAL Programmers): SCRUM PROCESS ????? ????? ????????????????? "Hello I would like features please" They have played us for absolute fools

You know that special feeling when your "Helpful Assistant" (read: AI code reviewer or overly enthusiastic senior dev) starts a code review with the energy of a disappointed parent? That opening line hits different: "Oh boy – looking at your code, there are so many problems left and right on so many levels." But here's the kicker – it's YOUR code. The same code you were just defending in Slack 30 seconds ago like it was your firstborn child. The same code you thought was pretty elegant when you hit that commit button. Now you're sitting there, gripping your desk, trying to remember that you're a professional while your inner monologue screams in existential horror. The "problems on so many levels" part is particularly brutal because it implies architectural sins, not just a missing semicolon. We're talking about nested if-statements 7 layers deep, functions that do 15 different things, and variable names like "data2_final_ACTUAL_v3". The kind of stuff that makes you question your entire career path.