Job market been tough lately

Everyone's having a normal day until that one developer casually SSH's into production as root. Nothing says "I choose chaos" quite like bypassing all security protocols and jumping straight into prod with admin privileges. Meanwhile, the kid who's probably responsible for this disaster is just sitting there with a smug grin, holding his juice box while the entire office has a collective heart attack. Security best practices? Never heard of 'em.

The bell curve of developer intelligence strikes again. In the middle, the 68% majority just want a text editor that works without drama. Meanwhile, at both extremes of the IQ spectrum, we have the "VSCode is just simpler" crowd who can't be bothered to learn keyboard shortcuts. Then there's the crying Vim zealot, tears streaming down their face while screaming about efficiency and how Electron is bloated. And somewhere in the shadows, VSCodium users silently judge everyone while using essentially the same editor but without Microsoft's telemetry. The irony is delicious.

Content When you accidentally Ctri C The text you wanted to overwrite with Ctri V

Content You prefer stability and simplicity. Keeping your memory segmented and tidy brings meaning to your life. You're probably also old Java You teach computer science and are focused on "applications" You've never written a single line of production code ano vounave vou were propaov an intern You graduated from unpaid intern to full blown junior programmer You now make android anne You work in game development or at Microsoft. You still say OOP is okay in moderation, and you can stop at anytime. (You are critically addicted to classes) Context free grammars? Graons ano Trees Design Patterns? Monads? eues? What are you talking about bro? I just do Data Science! You find C too simple for your own personal tastes. You'd rather debug templates for the rest of your life. Apparently it pavs well too You are also a masochist. People can't stop talking about you. Probably also identify as LGBTQ or a Furry. php You may have been dropped on vour head as a child You're a hyper nerd who was abused by Java and are currenty in your rebenious onase You also can't stop trying to tell people what a monad is CELILWrO A Greetings stranger, welcome to earth! Here we speak english! Did you know verbs sounds better when they go in front of the subject. Of course you didn't know that, because it isn't true. F I'm not sure what motivated you to use the literal oldestianguage in existence con Maybe you just like working on legacy code that predates the formation of the universe.

SWEET MOTHER OF INPUT VALIDATION! The absolute CRIME SCENE that is this phone number field! Some developer had the AUDACITY to create a slider—A SLIDER!!!—for entering a phone number! The poor user is forced to play "Price is Right" with their own contact information, dragging that cursor pixel by excruciating pixel to reach their digits! Whoever designed this UI monstrosity deserves to spend eternity debugging Internet Explorer 6 compatibility issues with nothing but print statements. This is why we can't have nice things in tech! The designer deserves not just firing, but a special circle of developer hell where all form inputs are controlled by interpretive dance!

OMG, the AUDACITY of people romanticizing Clippy in 2023! 💅 That paperclip assistant from Microsoft Office was literally THE ORIGINAL PRIVACY INVADER before it was cool! While we're all losing our minds about apps tracking our every move, Clippy was just sitting there, innocently bouncing around our Word documents, NOT asking for our age, NOT canceling our perpetual licenses, and NOT demanding our location. THE HORROR! A digital assistant that just... helped?! Without stealing our data?! What a concept! *dramatically faints onto keyboard*