So you're telling me your girlfriend drinks gallons of water, generates endless drama, and somehow remembers every single thing you said three years ago? Congrats, you're not dating a person—you're maintaining a data center. Data centers consume massive amounts of water for cooling (some facilities use millions of gallons daily), require constant monitoring because something's always breaking, and store literally everything forever in their backup systems. The parallels are uncomfortably accurate. Your relationship SLA probably includes 99.99% uptime for remembering anniversaries and a disaster recovery plan for when you forget to text back.