Syntax Highlighting: Hair Edition

Content "get him, he promised to scale our legacy website with microservices"

OMG, the ULTIMATE browser betrayal!!! 😱 Chrome went from being the hot new alternative that made us all turn our heads away from Firefox, to becoming the very monster we once fled from! The irony is so thick you could debug it with a breakpoint. Firefox got a glow-up while Chrome just got... more Google-y. It's the tech equivalent of the nerdy kid becoming prom king while the popular jock peaked in high school. The browser tables have COMPLETELY TURNED and I am LIVING for this drama! History really does repeat itself in the most savage way possible.

Content You: - fairly average software dev - claims not to be competitive, but secretly dreams of landing on the leaderboard at least once - uses a full IDE; wastes a minute right out the gate waiting for it to start - still parsing the problem statement while others are already submitting answers - actually uses a debugger when things aren't working Your competition: "Hackerman" - InfoSec major - sits at his PC on a near- lethal dose of Adderall waiting for the timer to hit 00:00 - has automated scripts for pulling the input and submitting solutions, and his own library of helper functions for every imaginable problem class - knows your IP at all times "-mhtwalters" - research scientist at Intel - does puzzles for fun that are harder than any job you will ever have - so utterly bored with the problems that he creates increasingly ridiculous self-imposed restrictions to keep things interesting - solved last year exclusively in APL on a System360 emulator, and still finished 9th on the global leaderboard - personal homepage is HTML 2.0 compliant "wihbr" - software dev from undisclosed Eastern- European country, making 200kyr for a company you've never heard of - is in literally every coding competition - Twitch stream is just a Vim terminal and the sounds of a mechanical keyboard - types faster than you can read or think "Tharg" - Linux kernel hacker - specialization in compiler design - is golfing in some esoteric language nobody has ever heard of - can mentally transpile any code he sees to assembly - measures his solutions' performance in actual clock cycles - overworked Chinese university student, double majoring in theoretical physics and chemical engineering - has been locked into various educational institutions since he was 3 years old - only time outside of school is for piano lessons - can literally only see the relevant parts of the problem statement - you will not understand his solutions without a PhD in discrete mathematics "Samir Nagheenanajar" - outsourced IT support technician - does puzzles because he has nothing better to do during his shift - forced to solve in Excel because he isn't allowed to install other software - can reveal the face of God using only BA - rumored to possess the combined knowledge and power of all Indian educational YouTubers

Content Website: I want to give you cookie, you want cookie? Me: No, fuck off, no cookie. Website: Ok, please uncheck all these boxes to refuse cookie Me: Ok. click click click click click click Website: Ok, so no cookie? Me: YES! Now show me your content! Website: You want to save those settings for your next visit? Me: Ok fine...waaaait a minute...how will you remember that? Website: Cookie. Me: YOU LITTLE BITCH!

Content CODE COMMENTS BE LIKE STOP THIS IS A STOP SIGN

Frontend developers sprinting toward the newest framework like Tom with a comically oversized mallet! The eternal cycle continues - you've barely mastered React when suddenly Vue looks interesting, then Next.js catches your eye, and now Svelte is the hot new thing. Meanwhile, your half-finished projects and deprecated skills pile up faster than npm dependencies. The JavaScript ecosystem doesn't have versioning—it has reincarnation.