It Is Not That Hard Guys And Gals

Content Nick Zorchenhimer Found this in production today. I need a drink. public static bool CompareBooleans (bool orig, bool val) return AreBooleansEqual (orig, val); internal static bool AreBooleansEqual (bool orig, bool val) if(orig val) return false; return true; 1 12:54 AM 31 May 19 Twitter Web Client 2,519 Retweets 7,054 Likes 17

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You spent days optimizing that SQL query to absolute perfection. Indexes tweaked. JOINs restructured. Subqueries eliminated. You turned a 30-second nightmare into a 0.3-second dream. Your boss was impressed... for approximately 5 minutes. Now they're casually dropping phrases like "real-time dashboards" and "instant analytics" in meetings as if your database isn't already sweating bullets just handling the current load. They have no idea that "real-time" means your beautiful query needs to run every 2 seconds instead of once an hour. Congratulations, you've optimized yourself into a corner. Your reward for fixing the performance issue? A completely unreasonable new requirement that makes the original problem look trivial. The database gods are laughing at you right now.

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