I Know A Guy Who Knows A Guy

The classic Road Runner vs. Wile E. Coyote scenario reimagined as a programming loop disaster! On the left, Road Runner's code uses a proper while (not edge) { run(); } loop that will terminate when reaching the cliff edge. Meanwhile, poor Coyote is using a do { run(); } while (not edge); loop—checking the condition after execution. He's already run off the cliff because his condition check comes too late! The fundamental difference between pre-test and post-test loops perfectly illustrated through cartoon physics. The variable edge isn't even defined until it's too late, and by then gravity.js has already been imported!

The bravado of developers who claim they "fear no API" only to cower in terror at the sight of Vulkan is just *chef's kiss*. For the uninitiated, Vulkan is the low-level graphics API that makes even seasoned graphics programmers wake up in cold sweats. It's like saying "I'm great at assembling IKEA furniture" and then being handed the blueprints to build the actual IKEA store from scratch. The documentation alone is thicker than a computer science textbook, and the error messages might as well be written in ancient Sumerian. Meanwhile, OpenGL (referenced in the title) is like the friendly neighborhood graphics API that suddenly looks like a cuddly kitten in comparison.

The "Travelling Salesman Trolley Problem" brilliantly combines two infamous nightmares: an ethical dilemma and an NP-hard algorithm. While philosophers debate whether to sacrifice one person to save five, computer scientists are still trying to find the optimal route through this graph without having an existential crisis. The joke here is that finding the perfect path is mathematically impossible to solve efficiently—much like trying to explain to your product manager why that "simple feature" will take three months to implement. Just remember: whether you choose the greedy algorithm or dynamic programming approach, someone's deadline is definitely getting run over.

Remember when Reddit engineers were optimization wizards? Now they're blaming your tiny custom emojis for server meltdowns. Classic corporate evolution - from "we built a platform that can handle millions of simultaneous users" to "your 20KB GIF is why everything's on fire." Next they'll claim upvotes are causing global warming. The real resource hog? Probably their tracking scripts collecting data on which cat memes make you smile.

The modern art heist: stealing artwork while wearing a ski mask, but claiming it's for "AI training data" instead of your living room wall. Tech companies have mastered the art of rebranding theft as "machine learning research." Just slap "for AI purposes" on anything and suddenly you're not a criminal—you're an innovator disrupting the creative industry! The fine print is the cherry on top: "Theft is now legal if it creates shareholder value." Next up: "It's not breaking and entering if you're collecting spatial data for your VR startup."

Churchill gets up thinking he's being honored, but nope—it's Alan Turing, the OG computer scientist who cracked the Enigma code while Churchill was just drinking tea and making speeches. The speaker's savage "sit down" moment perfectly captures how programmers feel when managers try to take credit for our work. Turing literally invented modern computing while being criminally underappreciated. Next time your PM says "we built this feature," remember this meme and silently seethe.