I Know A Guy Who Knows A Guy

Oh. My. GOD. The eternal struggle of every data scientist who's ever been handed a Word document and told to "just extract the data" from it! 💀 The bell curve of intelligence is BRUTALLY accurate here. The average schmucks (34% on each side) are blissfully declaring "Word files can't be read by a machine" while the absolute geniuses at both extremes (0.1%!) know the dark arts of table parsing. Meanwhile, every data engineer is in the corner having a nervous breakdown because Karen from marketing just sent over CRITICAL BUSINESS DATA as a beautifully formatted Word table with merged cells. THE HORROR!

BREAKING NEWS: AI absolutely MASSACRES basic arithmetic while showing its work! The audacity of this machine to think that if someone is 70, and their sister was half their age when they were 6, she'd be 73 now?! HONEY, NO! The sister is 67! If she was 3 when you were 6, she's always going to be 3 years younger than you! The age gap doesn't magically change with time! This is why programmers still have job security—AI can't even handle elementary school math problems without making them unnecessarily complicated. And they want this thing driving our cars?! I CAN'T EVEN! 💀

The infinite loop of "I'll be there in 5 minutes" is the perfect recursion tutorial nobody asked for. Just like that function that keeps calling itself without a proper base case, this person is stuck in an endless cycle of "almost there" promises. And when threatened with consequences? The classic solution: just restart the recursion! Forget fancy textbooks—this chat exchange teaches you everything about recursion: it never ends, solves nothing, and eventually crashes your relationships.

Whoever designed this playground equipment clearly graduated from the same school as developers who write while True: with no exit condition. Just picture a bunch of exhausted kids pedaling in circles for eternity because nobody thought to add a break statement. The CPU of childhood joy running at 100% until snack time interrupts the process.

First dev: "I'll just hardcode every single number from 1 to infinity with its even/odd status. Efficiency!" Second dev: "Why use simple modulo math when you can just outsource your basic arithmetic to a GPT model? That's 500KB of code and a $10 API bill to determine if a number is divisible by 2." The evolution of problem-solving in 2023: from hilariously inefficient to absurdly overcomplicated. Because nothing says "modern software engineering" like turning a one-line function into an enterprise-grade AI solution with cloud dependencies. Next week: "IsPositive() function now requires stable internet connection and cryptocurrency wallet."

The coding competition iceberg goes deeper than you thought. While you're there debugging like a normal human, "Hackerman" is downing Adderall and automating solutions, "-mhfwalters" is solving APL puzzles on obsolete hardware for fun, and "wjhbr" is typing at superhuman speeds in Vim while making bank in some mysterious Eastern European tech paradise. Let's not even talk about "Tharg" who mentally compiles assembly code or the Chinese prodigy who can only see matrix-like problem solutions. Meanwhile, you're still trying to figure out why your IDE took so long to start up. Participation trophy for you.