First Day In Job Be Like

When you claim "Machine Learning" as your biggest strength but can't do basic arithmetic, you've basically mastered the entire field. The developer here has truly understood the core principle of ML: you don't need to know the answer, you just need to confidently adjust your prediction based on training data. Got it wrong? No problem, just update your weights and insist it's 15. Every answer is 15 now because that's what the loss function minimized to. Bonus points for the interviewer accidentally becoming the training dataset. This is gradient descent in action, folks—start with a random guess (0), get corrected (it's 15), and now every prediction converges to 15. Overfitting at its finest.

Picture a developer who just watched an AI confidently suggest rm -rf / as a "cleanup solution" but with the C drive on Windows. The kind of coder who says "you know what, maybe AI should handle all our infrastructure" while simultaneously watching it commit digital genocide on an entire operating system. The face says it all: equal parts horror, fascination, and the dawning realization that maybe we should've added some guardrails before giving AI sudo access to existence. Some sins require more than an apology—they require a time machine and a better backup strategy.

The year is 2035. Your GitHub page now takes 15 minutes to load because it's scanning your code with 47 different AI tools, showing ads for Microsoft products, and suggesting you upgrade to Copilot Premium Plus Pro Max. Meanwhile, your diff is still "loading in 2 seconds" like it has been for the past decade. Progress! The real kicker? You'll still need to explain to the AI assistant why your perfectly valid code isn't actually a security vulnerability for the 500th time this week. But hey, at least now it can suggest you build a Pong game while you wait!

Ah yes, the mythical creature known as "The Senior Who Codes Without ChatGPT" – a tale passed down through generations of developers around the campfire. The juniors sit there in absolute awe, mouths agape, as if hearing about a programmer who remembers how to center a div without Stack Overflow or can write a recursive function without asking an AI to debug it. It's basically the programming equivalent of "back in my day, we walked uphill both ways in the snow" except it's "back in 2021, we actually had to understand our own code."

Remember that existential dread when ChatGPT dropped? Programmers lined up at the gallows, convinced our jobs were toast. Meanwhile, mathematicians are just sipping coffee like, "Welcome to the club, rookies." They've been watching calculators steal their thunder since the 70s and somehow survived to tell the tale. The career apocalypse is always "just around the corner" until you realize most tools just handle the boring parts while we move on to more interesting problems. History doesn't repeat itself, but it sure does rhyme.

Oh honey, you thought "full-stack" meant knowing React AND Node.js? How adorably 2019 of you! Now it means having three AI assistants open in browser tabs like some kind of digital puppet master. Claude for the elegant code, ChatGPT for when you need something explained like you're five, and Perplexity for... honestly, just vibes at this point. The real tech stack is now: 40% prompting skills, 30% knowing which AI hallucinates less, 20% copy-pasting with confidence, and 10% pretending you totally knew that solution all along during code reviews. Frontend? Backend? Database optimization? Nah bestie, the only stack that matters is your AI subscription stack. Welcome to 2024, where "full-stack developer" just means you're full of tabs running LLMs who actually do the work while you sip coffee and feel like Tony Stark.