Idont Eventest

Ah, the mythical "soon" of Continuous Integration pipelines. Like waiting for a bus in the rain, except the bus is your code and the rain is your deadline. The elf's "soon" is the same "soon" your build has been running for the last 45 minutes. At this point, you could have walked to production and deployed the code by hand. But here we are, refreshing Jenkins and contemplating if we'll ever see our families again.

The classic developer time warp! You spend your entire day helping teammates debug their issues, answering questions, and reviewing their code. "Just a quick look," they said. Four hours later, you've fixed everyone's problems except your own. Then suddenly you look up and... wait, it's dark outside?! Where did the day go? That bug ticket you were supposed to fix is still sitting there, untouched since morning standup. And now you have two options: go home defeated or stay late and become the office cryptid that maintenance keeps finding coffee mugs from.

Content I see this as an absolute win!

The classic corporate blame game in its natural habitat! The poor developer sits isolated in a tiny blue puddle while literally everyone else points accusatory fingers from their comfy yellow waters. Client wants features yesterday. Manager promised impossible timelines. PM failed to manage scope. VP needs to show quarterly progress. CTO wonders why "simple changes" take so long. QA found bugs you "should have caught." And CEO just points because... well, that's what executives do. Meanwhile, the dev's thinking: "I told you six months ago this deadline was unrealistic, but sure, let's pretend my warnings never happened."

Content APP PERFORMANCE while testing on my machine: (intel Core 19 while giving a demo: 04004 N5832

That delicious moment when production is literally BURNING TO THE GROUND with a bug, but you're sitting there with the smuggest face because it's not your code! 💅 First panel: concerned thinking. Second panel: desperately trying not to burst into maniacal laughter while your colleagues run around screaming. The absolute AUDACITY of feeling both relief and schadenfreude while someone else's code implodes is the purest form of developer joy. We're all terrible people and I'm not even sorry about it!