Look, sometimes it's 4:45 on Friday and you just need to get home

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Content Programming What's up? What do you do all day? Well done, very responsible during the pandemic. Pandemic?

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HR: "Do you work in Agile?" Developers everywhere: *silent screaming* The truth hits harder than a failed production deployment at 4:59 PM on Friday. Whether you choose Waterfall (one big sequential pile of 💩) or Agile (the same pile, just broken into multiple sprints of 💩), you're still dealing with... well, you know. The only real difference? In Agile, you get to experience the disappointment in two-week increments instead of all at once. It's like choosing between getting punched once really hard or getting slapped repeatedly for eternity. Such innovation. Much methodology.

God checking in on Earth only to discover his beloved COBOL is no longer the programming superstar?! THE HORROR! 😱 For the uninitiated, COBOL is that ancient programming language from the 1950s that's basically the technological equivalent of a dinosaur that REFUSES to go extinct. It's still running critical financial systems and government infrastructure because apparently rewriting that code would be like trying to perform heart surgery while skydiving. Meanwhile, God's up there clutching his pearls because JavaScript and Python have stolen his thunder. Sorry, big guy, but your precious COBOL is now just the weird grandparent of programming languages that banks can't bear to put in a retirement home!