I Have No Recollection Of This Place

Oh look, an executive order for the MATLAB developers! The age-old religious war between array indexing at 0 vs 1 just got a new contender. While C, JavaScript, and Python devs start counting from 0 like sensible humans following computer memory offset logic, and MATLAB/R folks start at 1 like mathematical purists, here comes the decree that 2 is somehow the ultimate starting index. Next up: semicolons are now optional but randomly required, and all loops must be written backwards. The compiler will decide if your code runs based on its mood that day.

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The ultimate ADHD trap - an ad promising to replace one dopamine addiction with... *checks notes*... 17 different programming courses that you'll totally finish this time! 🙃 Nothing says "I've conquered my scrolling habit" like starting 36 lessons on Data Analytics that you'll abandon after the first coding high wears off. The irony of using a structured curriculum to fix your executive dysfunction is just *chef's kiss*. Pro tip: You can tell this was made by someone with ADHD because they somehow thought learning Python, R, SQL, NumPy, and pandas simultaneously was a reasonable plan. The only thing missing is "Introduction to Finishing What You Started" - 0 lessons, ∞ hours.

The tech industry in a single image. Massive crowds fighting to post LinkedIn updates about how they're "leveraging agentic AI solutions" while VCs throw money at anyone who mentions the buzzword. Meanwhile, a handful of folks actually discuss job displacement risks, and even fewer build anything useful. And that lonely stick figure trying to generate actual value? That's the junior dev who just wanted to automate their unit tests but got pulled into an "AI transformation initiative." The hype-to-value ratio remains gloriously consistent across every tech wave I've survived since the dot-com bubble.

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