But All Iknow Is Basic

Someone's defending PHP by saying it's made them good money, and the reply is absolutely savage: "Prostitution also makes you a lot of money but you're already below that." The roast is so brutal it needs a burn unit. The implication here is that PHP developers have sunk so low in the tech hierarchy that even the world's oldest profession ranks higher on the respectability scale. Sure, PHP powers like 77% of the web (WordPress, Facebook initially, etc.), but the language gets more hate than a merge conflict on a Friday afternoon. The "PC Master Race" flair on the roaster makes it even better—they're out here gatekeeping programming languages with the same energy gamers gatekeep hardware.

When your non-tech friends marvel at your "beautiful code" but you're just a professional Stack Overflow archaeologist who excavated that algorithm from a 2013 thread with 3 upvotes. The audacity to take credit while knowing deep down you couldn't recreate it from scratch if your job depended on it. The smile says "genius" but the conscience whispers "fraud."

Content I've been Programming for over 10 years. So you're, like, really good then?

Content YOU WERE MEANT TO RETURN FROM FUNCTIONS NOT RETURN FUNCTIONS

The eternal struggle of a developer's vacation: lying in bed trying to relax while your brain keeps reaching for that framed reminder of all the half-baked GitHub repos you've abandoned. That sweet, sweet dopamine hit of starting a new project is long gone, but the guilt of abandonment follows you to the beach. Your code children are crying out "Daddy, why haven't you committed to us in 8 months?" Meanwhile you're pretending to enjoy coconut drinks while secretly wondering if your brilliant "Uber for houseplants" idea could actually work if you just refactored the backend...

Content THURS-RADDRESS NONINPO NO dE 80 40 55 That bug Me trying to enjoying my weekend That fckin bug code snail