Good Deal? Just A Small Scratch

What happens when Richard Stallman designs transportation? You get this monstrosity - a vehicle so free it's practically anarchist. The license plate says it all: pure, unfiltered hatred for proprietary drivers. This is peak FOSS evangelism on wheels. The solar panels aren't just for energy - they're a political statement. And of course Windows are bloat - they probably add at least 2GB to the car's weight. The stuffed GNU mascot instead of a rearview mirror is just *chef's kiss* - safety regulations are just another form of proprietary control anyway.

Oh. My. GOD. The AUDACITY of putting a "DO NOT CONNECT TO LAN/INTERNET" sticker with a skull and crossbones on a laptop that LITERALLY HAS AN ETHERNET PORT RIGHT BELOW IT! It's like putting a "do not eat" sign on a cake and then serving it with a fork! This is the digital equivalent of telling someone they can't swim while pushing them into a pool. Some poor IT admin is having heart palpitations somewhere knowing that temptation is just ONE cable away from complete and utter catastrophe! That laptop must be harboring government secrets or the world's most embarrassing browser history! 💀

Spent your entire paycheck on that "developer-grade" laptop only for it to transform into a jet engine the moment you hit compile? Nothing says "money well spent" like a machine that's simultaneously melting your thighs and preparing for takeoff. The fans spin so hard you could probably generate enough electricity to power a small village. And yet somehow, despite sounding like it's about to achieve liftoff, it'll still take 45 seconds to compile your "Hello World" program. Aerospace engineers should study programmer laptops—they've mastered the art of maximum noise for minimum performance.

Ah yes, the classic "first PC build" with *checks notes* 14 RGB fans, custom water cooling loop, and enough LEDs to be visible from the International Space Station. This is like saying "Just started cooking" while showing off your 15-course molecular gastronomy dinner. The RGB alone probably cost more than my entire development machine. Meanwhile, the actual code running on this beauty is probably just a Hello World program that took 3 days to debug because they spent all their time configuring the perfect rainbow wave pattern instead of learning syntax.

Ah, the classic "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" taken to its logical extreme. Some sysadmin out there is powering their laptop through a Frankenstein's monster of adapters rather than risk a system update. The exposed wire is just *chef's kiss* - nothing says "99.9999% uptime" like a fire hazard waiting to happen. This is the digital equivalent of holding your breath while merging to production. Somewhere, a DevOps engineer is having heart palpitations looking at this.

The AUDACITY of laptop manufacturers! First they MURDERED our precious PS/2 ports, then VGA got BRUTALLY slaughtered, HDMI is bleeding out, and USB-A is literally being STABBED TO DEATH as we speak! And for what?! So the Grim Reaper of connectivity can knock on the 3.5mm jack's door next?! THE HORROR! 💀 Meanwhile, we're all frantically buying dongles like apocalypse survivors hoarding canned beans. "But it's 0.02mm thinner!" they say, as if that justifies this PORT GENOCIDE. I'm typing this from a laptop that's basically just a screen with attitude and NOTHING ELSE!