The place where I fork.

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The innocent words "just gonna do a quick little refactor" have claimed another victim. What starts as a simple code cleanup inevitably spirals into a time-warping vortex where you're suddenly fixing "one more thing" until the office is dark and your Slack status has been "away" for 6 hours. The worst part? You'll do it again next week. Some developers say sleep is just an inefficient way to code anyway.

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Ah, the seven deadly archetypes of every engineering team. I've worked with all of these people, and I've been all these people—sometimes in the same sprint. My personal favorite is "The Silent Operator" who hasn't spoken since the company holiday party of 2019 but somehow commits the exact fix at 2 AM while everyone else is arguing in Slack. And don't get me started on "The System Rebuilder." Sure, event sourcing sounds amazing in theory—right up until you're explaining to the CEO why the shopping cart needs six months of refactoring. The real unicorn is someone who's none of these. If you find them, lock the door and hide their passport.