States Of Every Programmer

Started coding a JavaScript project with the brilliant fitness hack of doing one pushup per error. Six months and 47,283 pushups later, I've got biceps bigger than my ego and a codebase that's still broken. The only thing more ripped than my physique is my will to live. Turns out my terrible code was secretly just an elaborate workout plan all along.

Content

Content 68 g

When someone confidently says "BDSM" instead of "DBMS" and you have to be that person who corrects them. The awkward moment where you're not sure if they're talking about Database Management Systems or... something entirely different that HR would like to have a word about. Fun fact: This confusion happens way more often than it should in tech interviews. Imagine a fresh CS grad enthusiastically telling the interviewer about their passion for BDSM during a database discussion. The recruiter's face must be priceless. Pro tip: Always enunciate clearly when discussing your Database Management System expertise in professional settings. Your career depends on it.

The expectation vs. reality of programmer debates is brutally accurate here. Non-programmers imagine us as epic monsters battling over algorithm efficiency and optimization techniques—like we're all dropping knowledge bombs about quicksort complexity. Meanwhile, in the trenches, we're actually like those ridiculous mascot costumes, getting heated about whether dateUpdated or updatedDate is the superior variable name. Seven years of experience and I've witnessed three-hour meetings derailed by naming conventions while actual bugs collect dust in the backlog. The real holy wars aren't about performance—they're about whether your camelCase is dromedary enough.

Content I'M BUSY. ( SO BUSY. ( workchronicles.com BUT ARE YOU PRODUCTIVE? GREAT. NOW IM BUSY AND MISERABLE. Hello. I make comics about work. Join rworkchronicles or follow on InstagramTwitterFB Work Chronicles workchronicles.com