My Dream Crushed

The classic programmer's transitive property. "If I know A and B, then I know C" logic taken to its absurd conclusion. Like claiming you're fluent in Italian because you once ate at Olive Garden. Next they'll say they know machine code because they touched a computer once. The confidence of someone who thinks programming languages are just Pokémon evolutions of each other.

OH. MY. GOD. This is literally the PHP developer's mantra in its purest form! While your codebase is LITERALLY ON FIRE with security vulnerabilities, deprecated functions, and spaghetti code that would make an Italian chef weep, you're just over here perfecting your eyeliner game! 💅 PHP devs have mastered the art of selective blindness - ignoring warnings, notices, and that one function that's been "temporarily" patched since PHP 5.3. Meanwhile, they're strutting around with their perfectly styled syntax, acting like they didn't just use a 15-year-old framework to build a modern web app! The gothic aesthetic is just *chef's kiss* perfect - because maintaining PHP in 2024 is basically a horror movie where you're both the victim AND the killer!

Content How much code does one developer write a day? The last question to answer is; how much code are these people writing? That question is by far the most difficult one to answer concretely. As such, we will need to settle on a number or range that feels reasonable. The dirty truth is that many developers are not actually writing code all day. Rather, they are copypasting code off of the Internet and then adjusting it to suit their needs. Do we count this reality into our calculation? As with the Syntactic Elements argument before, I would say the answer is "Yes." The programmer had to read, interpret, and adjust the copied code to work the way they needed.

Content gettyimages Heinful Usecases gettyimages Useful Code Review gettyimages Bug-free in Production gettyimages pair Programming geltyimages Client Expressing Satisfaction gettyimages Programming. Right?

Content Trying to make things IDIOT-PROOF But they keep making BETTER IDIOTS

The subtle yet profound difference between null != domain and domain != null is perfectly captured here! The first check (happy face) follows the defensive programming principle of putting the constant first to avoid accidental assignments. Meanwhile, the second approach (angry face) risks the dreaded NullPointerException if someone mistakenly types = instead of != . This tiny syntax choice literally determines whether your code review ends with approvals or a 47-comment thread about proper null checking conventions. The facial expressions perfectly match the emotions of discovering which style your codebase has standardized on!