How to make sure your scrums end on time

The duality of code quality in one perfect image. Left side: the disheveled, sleep-deprived cat represents that horrific spaghetti code you hacked together at 3 AM just to make the feature work. Right side: the same cat in a tuxedo is that exact same monstrous code, but now formally dressed up for its public debut in the repository. Nothing actually changed in the logic—you just added a few comments, removed some debug prints, and formatted it nicely before the commit. The code still has eight nested if-statements and that one function that's 400 lines long, but hey, it's wearing a bow tie now!

The ultimate tech billionaire self-own! Elon confidently declares the Social Security database isn't de-duplicated, suggesting massive fraud... only to get absolutely demolished when someone points out he clearly has no idea how government databases work. The cherry on top? The "readers added context" feature on his own platform confirming that yes, the government does indeed use SQL. Nothing quite like spending $44 billion on a platform just so everyone can watch you get publicly schooled on basic database concepts. This is what happens when you skip Database 101 but still think you're qualified to critique government systems. Maybe next time Google "what is MySQL" before tweeting?

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Content INSIDE OF YOU THERE ARE TWO WOLVES Dark Mode Hacker Light Mode Professional NONE OF THEM CAN REVERSE A LINKED LIST

Content Your Mother's Professor lizardgovpeople In high school my friend connected a wireless mouse to the teacher's computer to mess with him and it took him like three days to figure it out. He was the computer teacher. The high school computer teacher. Then, he gave my friend detention for "hacking" him. Stem Ed. Is a joke

Content MANAGER THANKING ME FOR MY LOYALTY IN HARD TIMES ME FAILING INTERVIEW AFTER INTERVIEW IN A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO GTFO