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The tech world's most reliable constant isn't Moore's Law—it's our ability to prematurely declare PHP dead while it quietly powers half the internet. From ColdFusion (1995) to ASP.NET (2002) to Ruby on Rails (2004) to Django (2006) to NextJS (2018), we've spent three decades confidently announcing PHP's funeral while writing our revolutionary frameworks that will "definitely replace it this time." Yet here we are in 2025, celebrating PHP's 30th birthday. The language that refuses to die despite our best efforts. It's like that coworker who keeps surviving layoffs despite doing everything in Comic Sans.

The joke that never gets old, unlike your GPU! When Nvidia "displays their entire stock" of RTX 3080s in 2020, they're literally showing the ONE card they had available. Four years later and we're still experiencing the same supply chain theater - fancy press releases followed by six months of "out of stock" notifications. Scalpers continue to be the real GPU architects, designing elaborate systems to separate you from your money while you desperately try to run Cyberpunk above 30fps. The crypto bros may have moved on, but somehow graphics cards remain as elusive as documentation that actually matches the codebase.

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