Database performance Memes

When your database race starts off with the trendy new kids (OLTP, OLAP, NoSQL, VectorDB) confidently sprinting ahead, but then SQL comes in like a vengeful god with its classic problems: deadlocks, negative account balances, unsupported JOINs, and the eternal "still building that index..." message. The real kicker? That little guy watching from the sidelines with a wrench is probably the DBA who's been warning everyone about proper indexing strategies for the past three months. But sure, let's just throw more RAM at it. Meanwhile VectorDB is already having an existential crisis trying to figure out what a deadlock even means in vector space.