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This is what happens when you outsource your IT department to the lowest bidder. The classic "we're working VERY HARD on your issue" while the tech team is literally just kittens playing inside your computer. No wonder your ticket has been "in progress" for three weeks! Those adorable little troubleshooters are probably chewing on your RAM while management assures you they've got their "best people" on it. Next time your computer crashes, just check if it's a hairball in the CPU fan rather than a memory leak.

Content You: - fairly average software dev - claims not to be competitive, but secretly dreams of landing on the leaderboard at least once - uses a full IDE; wastes a minute right out the gate waiting for it to start - still parsing the problem statement while others are already submitting answers - actually uses a debugger when things aren't working Your competition: "Hackerman" - InfoSec major - sits at his PC on a near- lethal dose of Adderall waiting for the timer to hit 00:00 - has automated scripts for pulling the input and submitting solutions, and his own library of helper functions for every imaginable problem class - knows your IP at all times "-mhtwalters" - research scientist at Intel - does puzzles for fun that are harder than any job you will ever have - so utterly bored with the problems that he creates increasingly ridiculous self-imposed restrictions to keep things interesting - solved last year exclusively in APL on a System360 emulator, and still finished 9th on the global leaderboard - personal homepage is HTML 2.0 compliant "wihbr" - software dev from undisclosed Eastern- European country, making 200kyr for a company you've never heard of - is in literally every coding competition - Twitch stream is just a Vim terminal and the sounds of a mechanical keyboard - types faster than you can read or think "Tharg" - Linux kernel hacker - specialization in compiler design - is golfing in some esoteric language nobody has ever heard of - can mentally transpile any code he sees to assembly - measures his solutions' performance in actual clock cycles - overworked Chinese university student, double majoring in theoretical physics and chemical engineering - has been locked into various educational institutions since he was 3 years old - only time outside of school is for piano lessons - can literally only see the relevant parts of the problem statement - you will not understand his solutions without a PhD in discrete mathematics "Samir Nagheenanajar" - outsourced IT support technician - does puzzles because he has nothing better to do during his shift - forced to solve in Excel because he isn't allowed to install other software - can reveal the face of God using only BA - rumored to possess the combined knowledge and power of all Indian educational YouTubers

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Content 88 I'm from Canada, but live in the States now. It took me a while to get used to writing boolean variables with an "Is prefix, instead of the "Eh" suffix that Canadians use when programming For example: MyObj.IsVisible Myobj.visibleth share edited Oct 25 '11 at 21:35 community wiki 2 revs, 2 users 94 AlishahNovin 21 This is a joke, right? - Philip Jun 10 '11 at 19:09

That moment when your soul leaves your body because your production app is calling a QA environment. The cat's face perfectly captures that special blend of terror, disbelief, and "I'm definitely getting fired today" that hits when you realize your carefully deployed app is about to bring down the entire system because it's pointing at a test backend. Nothing quite says "professional software engineer" like frantically SSH-ing into production servers at 2 AM while your boss's phone is lighting up with alerts. Just another day in paradise!

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