I'M Not Calling It By Its „Real" Name Anymore, Sry Slopdella

The brutal honesty of this hits harder than a production outage on Friday afternoon. Nobody's writing code from scratch anymore—not ChatGPT, not developers, not even that one colleague who claims they never use Stack Overflow. Modern programming is basically sophisticated copy-paste with extra steps. We're all just standing on the shoulders of GitHub repos and praying the dependencies don't break. The real innovation is knowing which code to steal and how to make it look like you didn't.

STOP. EVERYTHING. The sheer AUDACITY of changing "loading..." to "thinking..." and suddenly declaring yourself an AI startup! 💅 The venture capitalists are literally THROWING money at their screens right now! Who needs actual innovation when you can just rebrand a progress spinner and add "agentic" to your pitch deck? Congratulations, you've just increased your valuation by 500 million dollars for absolutely NOTHING. Silicon Valley, take notes! This is how you disrupt an industry - one loading state at a time! *chef's kiss*

Look at me, taking a picture of ChatGPT instead of actually writing documentation. It's the modern dev equivalent of taking vacation photos of the information plaque instead of the actual mountain. Why spend hours documenting code when I can just ask an AI to do it later? Ten years of experience has taught me that future me will definitely understand what current me was thinking without proper docs. Totally. The irony of treating documentation like a distant, majestic view while the actual codebase is right there needing attention is just *chef's kiss*. We've evolved from "the code is self-documenting" to "the AI will document it for me."

OH SWEET MOTHER OF LEGACY CODE! On one side, IBM is using AI to translate ancient COBOL spells into modern Java incantations. On the other, some government agency named DOGE (not the meme, sadly) wants to rewrite MILLIONS of lines of Social Security code in MONTHS?! 😱 This is like watching two different approaches to defusing a nuclear bomb - one careful robot surgeon vs. a toddler with safety scissors and a "can-do" attitude. The entire financial future of American retirees hanging in the balance because someone thought "Hey, let's just YOLO this 60-year-old codebase real quick!" I'm having heart palpitations just thinking about it! For the uninitiated: COBOL is that programming language your grandpa used that refuses to die because it runs basically EVERYTHING important - banks, airlines, and yes, your social security checks. It's the digital equivalent of those load-bearing walls you definitely shouldn't knock down during your weekend renovation project.

Remember when we used to explain our bugs to rubber ducks? Now we just bark orders at AI models to fix our spaghetti code. The evolution from "here's what I've tried" to "just fix it" perfectly captures our descent into tech laziness. Soon we'll just grunt and expect the AI to read our minds. Progress, I guess? At least the duck never judged our variable naming conventions.

Oracle's giant inflatable bubble proclaiming "AI changes everything" is the perfect metaphor for the tech industry's current state. Billions in funding, grandiose promises, and what do we get? A big blue balloon that could pop at any moment. Just like the dot-com bubble, but with more buzzwords and fewer viable business models. Next year they'll probably need a bigger dome for "Blockchain Quantum AI changes everything... again."