If only it were that simple

Even kidnappers have their limits. Imagine being the poor soul who thought they'd scored a ransom, only to endure a three-hour lecture on the elegant efficiency of B-trees versus the practical applications of hash tables. They're not throwing you out the window—they're yeeting you back to society before you start explaining why linked lists are actually underrated. The real hostage situation was them being trapped with a programmer who finally found a captive audience.

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Forget fancy titles like "engineer" or "developer" - what we really do is tend to legacy code jungles, prune buggy branches, and desperately try to stop feature weeds from choking our beautiful architecture. Just call me what I am: a software gardener who spends 90% of my time pulling out the spaghetti code someone else planted five years ago.

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