No-bugs Memes

Someone wrote their requirements in pseudocode thinking they're being helpful. Responsive design? Check. Big pictures? Obviously. Custom fonts? Sure. Fancy menus with whoosh animations? Why not. Fast loading? Just make it happen, machine. The best part is "PS no bugs :)" - because that's totally how software development works. Just politely ask the bugs not to exist and they'll respect your wishes. The client signed off with "Thanks, Human" like they're some benevolent overlord granting you the privilege of fulfilling their contradictory demands. Fun fact: Asking for "big pictures" and "load fast" in the same breath is the web development equivalent of asking for a Ferrari that gets 100 mpg and costs $5,000. Physics would like a word.