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Forget fancy titles like "engineer" or "developer" - what we really do is tend to legacy code jungles, prune buggy branches, and desperately try to stop feature weeds from choking our beautiful architecture. Just call me what I am: a software gardener who spends 90% of my time pulling out the spaghetti code someone else planted five years ago.

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Remember when frontend devs were ABSOLUTE UNITS?! Left side shows the GODLIKE SPECIMEN that was 2010 frontend developers - supporting Internet Explorer, Firefox, Safari, Opera, AND Chrome while making JavaScript OPTIONAL like some kind of superhuman masochist. Meanwhile, 2025 frontend devs are literally CRYING because users won't just download Chrome like the pathetic little browser-monogamists they've become. The absolute COLLAPSE of frontend resilience is the greatest tragedy of our time. *dramatic sob*