Screw Licenses

The classic trolley problem gets a programmer's twist! We've got two standards committees (TC39 for JavaScript and JTC1 for C++) tied to the nuclear option, while cancer and AIDS cures are on another track. Every developer knows the pain of dealing with language standards committees that seem to drag on forever with decisions that can blow up your codebase. The real moral dilemma: do you save humanity with medical breakthroughs, or do you finally put those endless committee meetings out of their misery? Let's be honest, we've all fantasized about nuking a standards meeting after implementing our 17th breaking change in a month.

Content SAFETY FIRST DAYS SINCE LAST DATETIME FORMAT INCIDENT -1.8446744073709552e19

The meme starts with a fake news headline about Silicon Valley's favorite mattress company "Eight Sleep" having a backdoor that lets engineers SSH into beds. Then it delivers the punchline with the classic "we are not the same" format. For the uninitiated, SSH is a secure protocol used by developers to remotely access systems, while a "backdoor" is a security vulnerability (often intentional) that bypasses normal authentication. So this guy isn't smooth-talking his way into someone's bedroom—he's literally using command line access to break in. It's basically the difference between having game and having admin privileges. One requires social skills, the other just needs the right credentials. Hackers: 1, Pickup artists: 0.

That moment when ChatGPT confidently gives you code that looks perfect but introduces five new bugs because it's stuck in 2021 while you're using the bleeding edge framework version. Nothing like the special migraine that comes from AI trying to help but actually making your codebase look like it went through a blender. Stack Overflow veterans would've just called you an idiot and linked to the docs, but at least their solution would've worked.

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Content Jay Humor jayweingarten After I drink coffee I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.