Team-workflow Memes

When your project metrics show a perfectly symmetrical diamond with 25% allocated to code review, commits, issues, and pull requests, you've either achieved engineering nirvana or you're lying to yourself. Spoiler: it's definitely the latter. In reality, most teams spend 70% firefighting production bugs, 20% in meetings arguing about tabs vs spaces, and 10% actually writing code. But hey, those quarterly reports to management aren't going to fabricate themselves! The Thanos seal of approval really drives home the delusion—sure, your workflow is "balanced," just like how your codebase has "no technical debt" and your estimates are "always accurate."