Planning poker Memes

Ah, the sweet sound of a developer who's been through one too many sprint retrospectives where nothing actually improves. What started as a manifesto written by reasonable people has morphed into corporate theater where we pretend estimating tasks with Fibonacci numbers and t-shirt sizes somehow makes software appear faster. Meanwhile, scope keeps expanding, burndown charts look like seismograph readings during an earthquake, and somehow we end with more points than we started with. That pie chart is the truest thing I've seen all day. 90% planning meetings where we argue if something is an 8 or a 13, and 10% actual coding squeezed in between "ceremonies." And don't get me started on the scrum masters who think "velocity" is something you can increase by having more meetings about increasing velocity. The real agile was the friends we made along the way... while hiding in conference rooms trying to get actual work done.

The eternal battle between Agile and Waterfall methodologies played out through a Friends scene. Two project managers trying to one-up each other — she's spelling out "SCRUM" letter by letter while he's just waiting for his punchline: "WATERFALL WITH POKER." That smug smile at the end is every old-school PM who's seen methodologies come and go but still uses their trusty Gantt chart in secret. It's the software development equivalent of "I was doing this before it was cool" but with twice the meetings.

That face when the product owner describes a completely vague feature, you have zero clue how to implement it, but somehow everyone agrees it's a "5-point story." In Agile planning poker, story points are supposed to measure complexity, but they've become the universal "sounds complicated but not too complicated" metric. It's the software equivalent of answering "fine" when someone asks how you're doing while your code is silently burning in production. The best part? Next sprint, that innocent 5-pointer will mutate into a 13-point monster with seven undocumented dependencies and a legacy system integration nobody mentioned in the planning meeting.